Why I reversed my move to Virginia: I missed my wife and our life in NYC
- Initially Steve Lowell planned to be in Richmond only temporarily to clear his head
- He had a two-bedroom, 1,200-square-foot unit for $1,400 with a washer/dryer and pool
The couple ended up in a larger, rent-stabilized apartment in Staten Island, and with a stronger marriage, Steven said.
After the death of his mother, native New Yorker Steven Lowell felt the need to get out of the city, but his wife Wendy couldn’t leave. His plan was to be in Virginia temporarily but when the pandemic hit, he stayed longer. Having a long-distance marriage was painful, so he moved back, and the couple ended up in a larger, rent-stabilized apartment—with a stronger relationship. Here is Steven’s story as told to Kelly Kreth.
I was born in Staten Island and raised in a few parts in that borough and in Manhattan. I moved around a lot because my parents were divorced.
As an adult, I moved near the ferry stop in St. George on Staten Island so I could have a cheap place to live while I pursued an acting career. It was convenient to walk to the boat then take the 1 train to auditions or jobs in Times Square or downtown Manhattan.
Because of my location, I had a front row seat on 9/11. But I also saw some amazing things, like the Space Shuttle flying into New York City for the last time, cruise ships coming into the harbor, and presidents' helicopters flying overhead.
After my mom passed away in April 2019, I took it hard and wanted to get away from NYC. I had an urge to start over.
Why he moved to Richmond
In August 2019, I got in touch with a friend from college who lived in Richmond, Virginia. He told me about a good apartment complex near him called Willow Oaks and referred me to an agent there. A month later, the agent let me know there was a two-bedroom, two-bath, 1,200-square-foot unit available for only $1,400 a month! I did not even hesitate. I packed my car and drove 350 miles south and took the apartment without even looking it over.
The place had a pool! For the first time in my life, I had a washer and dryer of my own. I never had that before. Another first: I was living in a place surrounded by trees.
I lived about 300 feet away from my college friend; he worked in entertainment. He had been there 20 years, so he was a bit of a local celebrity. He was a good guy to show me around the city.
But moving out of NYC was complicated because my wife, Wendy, could not come with me. She has a job at the Whitney Museum. I went to Richmond on the condition that I would just check it out for a little while and see what it was like. I ended up falling in love with the city.
It was painful to turn our marriage into a long-distance one, but I was only six hours away if I needed to drive back. And Richmond has a great small airport for when Wendy flew down.
Wendy kept the old apartment in NYC. Based on the cost of living and tax purposes, we found it was cheaper to have apartments in two states rather than one large apartment in NYC. Go figure.
I work remotely as a recruiter and career coach for a website called Findmyprofession.com. It’s important for me to have a dedicated space to work with a nice view.
What he liked about his new city
In Richmond I was able to drive everywhere and not worry about parking. There was a bus stop by my apartment, but I never rode the bus.
But there wasn’t much to do within walking distance and it was hard to make new friends. I would try to make eye-contact with people, just to start up conversations, but no one was interested. People there are not as open and friendly as New Yorkers. I only socialized when I hung out with my old college friend and his wife. After a while, I began to feel like a third wheel.
I am in an interracial marriage, and I was down in Richmond during the George Floyd/Monument Avenue protests. There are also class and race struggles in Richmond that they are dealing with.
Life in Richmond is focused on families and churches, and people wondered why I was always alone. Some people asked me directly, "Where is your wife?" even though I’m married and my wife visited me in Richmond.
Another thing I disliked about Virginia? Spiders—if you know, you know.
Still, Richmond has a great culture, plus things are more affordable. My electric bill, for example, dropped from $300 a month in NYC to $50 a month. It is also a clean city with very helpful people who seem to care about their city quite a bit. It was also peaceful. It was a good place to ride out the pandemic and my wife joined me in March 2020 after NYC shut down.
Richmond has some of the best food I have ever tasted. I used to go to a local place called Galley, a subtle little restaurant with a galley kitchen, right off Forest Hill Avenue. Another place we went a lot was Bottom Burger. It shut down, but not before my wife and I made a valiant effort to keep it open through Facebook posts, orders, and Yelp reviews.
Carytown is a tourist destination, but residents also shop there for furniture, clothing, and home goods. My wife loved going to Richmond’s thrift shops, which are amazing.
My friend did shows at the Virginia Repertory Theatre. The level of talent in Richmond is Broadway-ready, thanks to theater and film students from Virginia Commonwealth University.
Why he moved back to NYC
When my college friend moved to Norfolk for a job in the Navy, I was alone in Richmond and it was a bit painful. My lease ended in August 2024 and I did not renew it. My wife and I missed each other terribly. Richmond is affordable, clean, and has great amenities, but none of that meant anything without my wife to enjoy it with me.
So, I headed back to St. George, and we had some good luck: Our landlord had a bigger, rent-stabilized apartment available for us. It’s a two-bedroom, one-and-a-half-bath, 1,000-square-foot apartment and we pay $1,900 a month.
It has a walk-in closet, which makes my wife happy. The place is smaller than my Richmond place and it is right off the water, so get some cold, windy nights, but it’s beautiful—and affordable. It is great having a rent-stabilized apartment because rent increases are limited and lease renewals are automatic.
The building was built in the 1960s and it seems like it is always being repaired. And the neighborhood has problems with litter, noise, and the homeless.
Still, it’s home. I came back to the same neighborhood where everyone knows me. The landlord, local cops, Chinese food delivery guys and people who work at the pizzeria, pharmacy, deli were all happy to see me again. I spent my first week answering the question, "Where the hell were you?"
My favorite thing about being back is the pizza! I get my favorite pizza from A&S on Stuyvesant Place. I may have single-handedly kept this place in business for 20 years.
I take public transportation to Manhattan for doctor and dentist appointments. This is not ideal, but the care is much better.
I have a performing arts background and my wife is an artist. We love the Intrepid Museum and Whitney Museum. It’s nice to be able to visit them regularly again. I also love theater and films. My wife and I enjoy going to Alamo Drafthouse Cinema. Although it is pricey, we feel like old Hollywood film directors screening a movie.
Closer to home, there are great restaurants along Richmond Terrace like Besos, The Basement, and Pier 76. Staten Island has always had a challenge being perceived as part of NYC. But people here have pulled off some amazing things, like opening up an Edgar Allan Poe Speakeasy. There are great places to visit, like Fort Wadsworth or Alice Austen House. Staten Island also has a minor league baseball team, The Ferryhawks, which made some news by drafting the first woman to play for a MLB partner league team, Kelsie Whitmore. We have the only unionized Amazon warehouse in the country.
In my neighborhood there are newcomers from Albania, Ukraine, Mexico, Russia, Colombia, India, Egypt, as well as old school New Yorkers with thick accents. It is such a diverse place but also super easy to make friends. All you have to do is start talking to people.
I will stay here until Wendy and I decide, together, it is time to go. We hated being apart so much and I'm not even sure why I stayed away for so long.
Still, it was the best decision for our mental and physical health. My move to Richmond was a big mistake that ended up being the best thing for our marriage because we learned how much we need each other.
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