Would you rather live next to a nightclub or an elementary school?

By Lambeth Hochwald | March 26, 2018 - 3:00PM

Elementary schools and nightclubs don't tend to top New Yorkers' lists of ideal neighbors. Sure living near a school is convenient for a parent of school-age kids, and night owls might like being able to stumble home from their favorite haunts, but kids in large numbers tend to make quite a racket early in the morning, during recess, and when school lets out for the day. Similarly, ultra-close proximity to a club tends to mean loud music, loud talking, and potentially fights and other misbehavior into the early, early morning hours.

So if presented with this devil's bargain, which would you choose to live next door to? We asked five New Yorkers to weigh in.

Nightlife is the right life

“I’d most certainly choose a nightclub, because nightlife brings colorful characters and interesting neighborhood happenings. Added bonus: girls’ night just got super convenient.”—Rachel Plotkin, Murray Hill

Forget club kids, I'll take regular kids

“I’d rather live near an elementary school, as my wild club days are over. The only dancing that I’m doing nowadays is at the bar and bat mitzvahs of my friends’ kids.”—Steven Friedlander, Upper East Side

Children are the future

“I’d pick an elementary school even though I’m much more of night owl. There’s just something more appealing about the laughter of aspiring young minds over the medieval caterwauling of wasted hoochies and bros. Nobody likes to slip on vomit on their way to Starbucks, either.”—Russell Boyle, Bedford-Stuyvesant

When a selling point is actually a red flag

“Funny enough, when my roommate and I were looking for our first apartment, a real estate agent showed us one on the same block as a nightclub thinking it would be a big selling point. Not quite the case! Choosing between the two, I’d have to go with the elementary school.”—Marissa Paiano, Kips Bay

From the mouths of babes

“I may be getting old, but I think it would be much nicer hearing kids having fun on the playground during recess than hearing millennials carousing on the street on the way to or from a nightclub.”—Jo Rogers, Chelsea

The verdict: It's not even close. A majority of these folks would take a school for a neighbor any day.

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