Judy Gold loves the Upper West Side but could use a little more space in her apartment

By Lucy Cohen Blatter | May 4, 2015 - 9:10AM

Actress and comedian Judy Gold has lived in the same two-bedroom apartment for 26 years. She's raised her two sons there (one is now away at college), and while they survived with only one bathroom all these years, things are beginning to feel really small. (Full disclosure: This author grew up down the hall from Gold.)

Gold currently stars as Linda Tripp and Eleanor Roosevelt (yes, both of them) in Clinton The Musical off-Broadway now. Her new podcast Kill Me Now launched this week. You might also recognize her as Marina, the hot-headed potluck host on the season premiere of one our favorite NYC-centric sitcoms, Louie.

1. What neighborhood do you live in?
Upper Jewish Side (a.k.a. the Upper West Side)

2. Is this your dream neighborhood or is there someplace else in NYC you’d prefer to settle in?
It was my dream neighborhood, and that's why I moved there. And I hate change. It's my dream neighborhood but NOT my dream f---n apartment.

3. Do you own or rent?
Rent.

4. How’d you find it?
A couple of friends lived in the adjoining apartment building and we went straight to the broker who had an exclusive on the building. We had lived in a studio with French doors and this felt like the biggest apartment in the world.

5. What’s the one thing you love the most about it?
I love that I know all my neighbors. It's a community. My kids' godparents live down the hall, and it's always been a family building. I was in Las Vegas doing a show and I was about to get on stage when my neighbors called to tell me that my apartment door was open and there were kids making a lot of noise in there, and that they had called the police.

They're watching out for me. If I ever need anything, there's always someone there to help.

6. If there’s one thing you could change about your apartment, what would it be?
I can only do one thing? I'd want two bathrooms, and to move away from the f---n elevator. I hear everyone, when they're drunk at 2 in the morning, and the dogs. I put soundproofing foam on the bottom of the door to block out the sound — nothing works.

7, In three words, describe the first apartment you've ever lived in.
Roommate's cat prey. (More on that roommate horror story here).

8. Do you prefer old NYC or this NYC?
Old. I'll tell you why: Duane Reade, Bank of America, TD Bank, Citibank, Chase, Starbucks, Marshall's.

9. Tell us about your favorite apartment you’ve ever had.
It wasn't in New York. I rented half a house in Larchmont VIllage, in L.A. I had an office. I could sit in the kitchen. I had outdoor space. Also, I was alone!

10. And the worst?
I moved from one apartment to the other in the same building and the second one was so tiny. It was in the back of the building -- apartment 1E. We couldn't fit a table so we had a foldable one. The bedroom was so tiny and dark. There were so many abandoned cats. It was like living on the set of Cats. But they were all the miserable cat.

11. Name one NYC service you couldn’t live without.
CItyMD.

12. What's your favorite spot in the city?
It's got to be Central Park.

13. Which would you rather: Brooklyn brownstone or a penthouse in a shiny, new condo?
Can I say Harlem brownstone? I can't leave the Island of Manhattan. I've always wanted to live in a brownstone.

14. If you could live elsewhere, where would it be?
The Hebrew Home for the Aged. I don't know?! The ground?!

15. Any advice for a recent New York transplant?
Hope you have a lot of money. Buy a lottery ticket every day. Oh and don't look at your f----n phone when you're standing on the steps going into the subway station.

An ice water deluge and dead pigeons: Comedian Judy Gold's roommate horror stories

Orange is the New Black's Alysia Reiner on the Upper West Side duplex she loved and lost

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