NYC Real(i)ty Speak: Renovate THIS

You know it, your contractor knows it, the co-op board knows it: You bought a wreck.   Now you want to make it beautiful AND code-compliant before the faulty wiring blows the whole building sky-high.  Not so fast!  People with all kinds of time on their hands have your plans (and life) by the faucets.

• "Are you planning to purchase hallway space?"  Translation:  "Throw a little money in the reserve fund and then we'll talk."
• "We must be mindful of energy efficiency." Translation: "If we can't have central air, you can't have central air."
• "We are very concerned about the noise." Translation: "Sound-proofing, sound-schmoofing...  Your kids are loud and rude in the elevator, God knows what they're like the rest of time! We certainly don't want to."
• "These things take time." Translation: "Most of the board members will leave this building in a box before your new washer/dryer arrives in one."
• "There are a lot of 'wet over dry' areas in the proposed changes." Translation: "The aforementioned wet spaces have already leaked in to my apartment...  'Leak' a little cash and a bottle of Krug my way and we'll talk"

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.