NYC Real(i)ty Speak: Rentalisms

Finding a rental in New York is more funhouse than fun, which is why every novice renter could use a translator to decipher phrases like these:

• "Charming studio for rent in the heart of it all" = Half a tub, half a stove, half a sink, room for one twin bed and a dresser, located across the street from Port Authority
• "Just tell them your name is Ida Wasserman and you are 85 years old if anyone calls" = A rent-controlled apartment on CPW,
• "Broker fee, two small bedrooms, walk-up, no doorman, $8,000.00/month"  = Zoned for P.S. 6.
• "Seeking two female, non-smoking roommates to share two bedroom apartment immediately" = "My former BFF was hooking up with our male roommate behind my back and I kicked both their a---s to the curb." -
• "No fee"  = Fee.

"Veronica X." is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.

See all N.Y.C. Real(i)ty Speaks.