NYC Real(i)ty Speak: A little elevator convo goes a long way

The elevator is your building's social incubator, and when you hop on, it's a short ride to innuendo.

• "You look great. Anything new going on with you?" Translation:  "I cannot tell if you have simply gained weight or you are pregnant and will soon have to vacate your studio apartment right next to mine. HELLO MASTER SUITE!!!"
• "Look at her - growing up so fast!"  Translation: "I think it is disgusting that a 6-year-old has her own iPhone."
• "How is everything going with selling your apartment? I can't believe it is taking so long!"  Translation: "We are putting our apartment on the market next week and plan to undercut your price."
• "It sounds like you had a lot of company this month." = "It sounded and smelled like you were hosting the Australian rugby team last month!"
• "Will I see you at the next board meeting?" = "I am planning to turn down your renovation plans and I don't want you to know it was me."

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  Veronica X." is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.

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