NYC Real(i)ty Speak: "Incredible amenities" = Monthly charges will ruin you

By Veronica X. | June 4, 2010 - 10:38AM

This week we introduce "Veronica X.," a real-life Manhattan apartment hunter whose "NYC Real(i)ty Speak" glossary--which began as Facebook status-updates to her friends--will appear here each week.

Herewith, the first installment of Veronica's guide to broker-speak:

Family-friendly: Walls so thin you will know when your neighbors' kids are being Ferberized or put in time out

Make it your own: It's a freakin' dump

Spacious and bright: Bedrooms are closets with south-facing windows and the place is always 100 degrees

Incredible amenities: Monthly charges will ruin you

Triple mint renovation: Dark green marble bathrooms circa 1980s Dynasty-style

White-glove building: The apartments are big and cheap but you need 50 mil liquid assets to pass the board

No board approval: Board approval

"Veronica X." is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.

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